I haven’t blogged in a long time and it is long
overdue. For those that are close
to me my father passed away a few months ago due to a second stroke. Ive been wanting to write for a long
time but to be honest just haven’t been able to gather my thoughts without just
writing something in haste. I used
to be able to write and been able to control my emotions when I was down or
depressed but this is just different. But I think im ready now. A little background of my father, the dude was super
strict to the point where you would think he was nuts. But to be honest I wouldn’t of had it
any other way. With my personality
I was always getting into trouble.
I was always getting into the wrong crowd. Ive had my run ins with the law when I was younger to the
point where I had to be sent to a different school. Although I probably wouldn’t try to employ my dad’s
teachings in certain scenarios but there was no denying… the guy had our backs. He loved us like no other. Whenever I got into trouble, where I
was obviously wrong he would always be there for support. He would punish me in other ways but to
this day that is the reason why I am what I am. My friends that are really close to me I know have my back
through thick and thin. And that’s
one key quality I look for to completely trust someone.
I didn’t really want to talk about poker right now, but I
think a lot of the reason why I have been so successful at it was because ever
since I was young ive had to “level” my dad. He was always angry and I would always need to find ways to
keep him in equilibrium. Spill
water, o shit your getting fcked up, break something your getting fcked
up. So ever since I was young I
was always trying to get reads, figured out what set him off and what kept him
happy. After his first stroke 16
years ago whenever I would come home he would never be mad. But my mom recently told me that he was
always mad haha. I just knew how
to deal with him. My dad had this
dark humor/ sarcasm and every time I went home I never really took anything
seriously. Now when I play
poker I feel like I can dictate a conversation as to where I want it to go and
the same thing goes for when im playing live.
* dont know when this was taken but my dad loved chess, he was very patient like myself hahah* a gamer
My mom, now that’s one strong woman. To put up what she was able to put up
with and to still be in love with someone to me was absolutely incredible. I
went home recently and she showed me the stone she made and when she passes she
wants to be buried right on top of him with space on the stone for her as well.
My mom is an incredible person and I have nothing bad to say about her. Without her my dad wouldn’t have lasted
as long as he did, I really believe that.
16 years in the condition he was in and to keep him going that long was
a feat in itself. My dad wasn’t
supposed to make it very long after the first time but he did, and only because
of my mom. She was with him to the
very end. Man, she is such a
strong person it was incredible what she had to go through. Trying to take care of my dad when he
was in hospice and trying to calm her kids down as well. I was drinking pretty
much every day because it was just getting to me. Did I cry, yes… but I did that in my car and never showed
that to my dad because he NEVER wanted us to show any weakness. He brought us up to be tough as nails
so whenever I was around and he would open his eyes I tried to be calm and
collect my emotions so he knows ill be okay. I said what I had to say though, I said I love you and
prayed for him. Was with him to
the very end, to the very last breathe till he left his shell. “I love you dad, I pray for you every
day still you are missed”.
A few days earlier we tried to get a load off and it was my
niece’s b day. Isn’t life
incredible, one life ends and another one basically begins. The constant cycle of life, that’s why
you should never take it for granted . Spend time with your family and people that are close
to you. Let them know how much you
care because you never know when its your time. Leave positive impressions in people’s life and always treat
others the way you would like to be treated.
It was hard to see my dad buried. I know it was just a shell of him and he is with us in
spirit. My dads death got everyone
together again. We did novena, got
together to watch the boxing fights…. Theres always someone over kickin’ it
with my mom. Our home is very
welcoming, when I got it for my mom years ago we always wanted to make
improvements but never really got around to it. Now she has a bunch of trees out there and wants to fix the
pool because that’s what my dad wanted.
Its just good to see everyone together. When I went to college I felt liberated and just lost track
of what was most important. I wish
I went home more because family is everything. No offense to my friends or anything but there were weeks
where I could have laid off getting fcked up and just going home and hanging
out. So for the few people that
read this if your going to learn anything from this post just remember this. I always tell my fiancé, hang out with
your dad. Hang out with him
instead of me that’s fine… family first.
One thing im sad about is that my dad won’t be able to make
it to my wedding, physically. I
know he will be there in spirit but im still saving a seat for him right next
to my mom. He’s still getting his
order and still going to be watching over me and the love of my life. God works in mysterious ways but he had
a plan and it was just my dad’s time.
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